I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
