This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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