Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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