before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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