Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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