Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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