I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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