i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
