i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
