I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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