Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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