Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
