Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
