I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
