Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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