Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
