Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
