Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
