No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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