i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
