I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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