i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
