I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
