when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
