i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize