The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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