Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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