dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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