What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
