The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize