Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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