I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
