Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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