OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
