the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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