Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
