i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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