Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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