No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
