dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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