She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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