she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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