Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
