i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
