MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
