My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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