Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
