thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
