My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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