The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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