I puked a lego.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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