Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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