dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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