dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
