I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
