Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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