Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
