Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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