I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
