hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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